Maliia's Mechanical Conspiracy

I sometimes wonder if there's a mechanical conspiracy against me. Everything will be just fine for I don't know how long and then BAM! All of the sudden things start breaking down. It's all at once too and it's generally completely unrelated items.

First, you may recall a few days ago I was bitching because my laptop was starting to have some trouble. It's only getting worse too. Now the harddrive is making all kinds of clanking and clattering noises. I'm thinking that this isn't normal and it's not going to fix itself. As a matter of fact, the noises are steadily getting louder and louder and lasting for longer and longer periods of time. To my credit I have found that banging the laptop seems to quiet the hard drive noise down a bit, but I'm thinking that solution is very quickly going to become counter productive. You might be sitting there thinking why doesn't the little slant eyed slut just go get it fixed. Well, this one is like two and a half years old, it has trouble running a lot of the newer software and frankly, I think the cost of a new drive would probably equal the value of the computer at this point. Luckily I have started researching new laptops as you know, I've narrowed it down to three. A Toshiba, An HP and an Acer and unless someone has nightmare stories to share about HP, that might be the one I go with because it looks like I get the most value for the money plus a three year warranty instead of one year like the other two. See, if I had that kind of warranty on this thing I could just get it fixed and voila, no problem.

My point though isn't to bitch about my laptop because I've already dedicated two previous posts to that and come on, enough already. No, it's everything else. For example, my TV remote stopped working yesterday. Seriously. It's not the battery either. And I have no head for fixing things. I'm not handy. I need handy people around me. It's the only way I can survive in this world. I'm so far behind the curve that by the time I figured out how to program my VCR, everyone was using DVD recordable and now that I've figured that out its on to DVR and Tivo. It's like I'm running five years behind everyone. No wonder I keep missing the winning lottery numbers.

It's not just electronics though. My toilet has been leaky for days now. Not the leaky out on the floor kind which would be gross and messy but rather the thing where you flush it and it fills back up and then in the tank it just keeps spitting out water. I know this is because the floater thingie isn't coming all the way up the way it should and is getting stuck just below where it needs to be, but I have no idea how to fix it and honestly, I'm not sure I want to. Okey, I'm told water in the tank isn't dirty really but still, its a toilet! The only kind of toilet I want to mess around with is the human kind who will kneel under me and open their mouths while I pee all over them. Big surprise! Maliia is into pee play. Okey, I know it's not everyone's thing but it is mine so there you go. I'll have to talk about that another time though.

My Jeep is also starting to give me some trouble. It hasn't officially broken down yet but there are noises and complaints. It is almost 10 years old though but its low mileage and hasn't broken down unexpectedly for almost 9 years so that's not bad. I take care of it but still, I have to wonder as my stuff gets older, whether its my toilet, my remote, my computer or my car, just how much work I'm going to have to start putting into this stuff. I'm starting to miss the days when everything was ubiquitous and could be totally counted on to work. Turn on the computer, turn on the ignition, flush the toilet, no problem. I didn't even think about it you know, I just pressed the button and life was good. Now I have to deal with the problems.

I've believed that to a degree, there is planned obsolesence built into products. After all, if everything never broke down, you'd never need to buy a new one except in cases where your thing got stolen or the new thing just totally has better features or whatever. Maybe that's another reason everything wears out. Imagine of the parts in a car never wore out or did so like way way out in the future. The parts industry might not be able to sell as much stuff and of course raising the price on those replacement parts that last forever to the degree necessary to make up for it just wouldn't make sense. I think people would start to look at walking as a real alternative which given the obesity problem in the U.S., might not be such a bad idea actually.

Of course all this equipment breaking down may also be a metaphor for myself. Yes I am a young, healthy and very cute girl right now, but I am getting older. I don't think I ever fully appreciate how good I feel 99% of the time and it's only when I get sick or hurt that I start to miss the days when everything about my body worked perfectly. What has me concerned of course is that as I get older, my parts will no doubt wear out more easily and give me all kinds of problems and then I really will miss the days when it was just hopping out of bed without thinking about how my body feels and going off and doing whatever I want. Unfortunately, unlike my laptop which can be replaced with a newer model, I'm kind of stuck with this body and while I might be able to get it repaired or even get parts replaced from time to time, selling it on Ebay and buying a newer, faster and better model that is still under warranty just isn't going to happen. That being the case, i guess I should enjoy it while it's working great and appreciate it while I've got it. If that's not an arguement for continuing to enjoy all the fun and sex I have in my time, I don't know what is!