To Bi or Not to Bi. That is the Question.

Yesterday I was driving back from lunch with a very cute Asian friend of mine and we were in my Jeep talking about things like sexuality and stuff. It was a nice talk. It's kind of strange because as long as I've known her she's always adamantly proclaimed her heterosexuality. She has from time to time made a point about how she's not a lesbian and doesn't want to do anything with other girls. That's fine with me. I mean, sure, she's really cute and all but but hey, you are what you are and if that's what she is then that's fine. Still, it's one of those things that tended to come up a little too often with her and its kind of like that Shakespeare quote from Hamlet "the lady doth protest too much methinks" (hey, I bet you didn't know a girl as cute as me would even know who Shakespeare was huh?)

This is the thing though, despite that she always proclaimed disinterest in sex with other women and not being lesbian, etc., there are things I already knew about her. For example, I know she loves looking at beautiful white girls, especially in porn videos. She's come over to my house and we've watched lesbian bondage porn together but she'll only watch the ones with the caucasians. I also know that one time we went to a party at a dungeon club and we had a couple of lesbian girls performing for us (they were both Asian) and after we chained one of the girls to a cross, my friend had no reservations about licking the girl's nipple to get it hard for clamps and rubbing ice on her pussy. Finally she would tell me from time to time about dreams she has in which she's playing with a girl's large boobs (she's a small boob girl like me) or licking her pussy or having her pussy licked by a girl and how much she liked it. Of course whenever she told me about these dreams, it was always followed with something like "it's really wierd I would have these dreams because I'm totally straight and I have no lesbian interest at all".

So obviously her feelings on the whole girl on girl action issue may not be as clear as she thought. It was pretty clear to me the whole time that she may have some feelings about sex with other girls, and sure I mentioned to her that maybe she should try something out and see if she likes it but of course she would always protest that she didn't want to do that because why? She's straight not lesbian of course. Finally yesterday she seemed to becoming to the realization that maybe she's not as straight as she thought.

See, here's how the whole conversation began. We were sitting at a really long light on Santa Monica Boulevard near West Hollywood which is like the gay capital of the planet. As you might expect, a guy who looked super flaming from his manner of dress, walking and looks walked in the crosswalk past the front of the car and I said to her as a joke, hey, do you think he's gay? This is kind of game we play sometimes. We'll see someone who is obviously gay and ask that question and the answer is usually something like "Duh! Obvious!". So I did that and she said, well its just the way he is you know. Maybe its hormones or some other biological thing (one thing is that both of us have agreed that why people are gay probably have a lot more to do with nature and biology than choice, this being based on the fact that in many other animal species, there are plenty of examples of homosexual behavior as well). Our convesation shifted to people who deny what they are because of society or whatever and I said that there was no point in doing that. Sure, if you have no attraction whatsoever to the same sex then you're not gay. There's no denial about it, that's just not you. On the other hand, if you are attracted to the same sex and you find yourself thinking about them in a sexual way, you may at least be bi (if you enjoy the opposite sex a great deal like I do) but you have such strong feelings of guilt, denial or societal shame or whatever that you can't come to terms with your feelings so you shove them down in the hopes that they'll go away because you just want to feel normal and fit in (this is a subject I know a lot about because even though I accepted that I was bi at a younger age, I did go through a period of wondering if something was wrong with me or if I was a pervert, which I am by the way but not because of that, or if this was a choice like a lot of people think, it's not by the way, you are what you are).

So finally she admitted to me that she may have feelings about sex with other girls. She recounted some of the stuff I told you about above like the dreams and the porn and she said that she really liked looking at white girls with big boobs. She'd always gotten really defensive in the past if I suggested she might be bi, but this time I tried a new tactic which was to suggest that she might be bi-curious. She didn't know what that was so I said that's where you're not sure. You have an attraction to the same sex that maybe you've denied or maybe not, but the point is, the attraction is there. As I said, if it's not there, then there's no question, but with this girl, it's probably there. So I continued that there's nothing wrong with bi-curious. It means what it says. You're not bi, but you are curious and you're not 100% sure what you are at that point. I suggested the best way to handle it was just to be open minded and if an opportunity presents itself, maybe to experiment a little and see how it goes. She may discover that she's not bi after all and just likes to admire cute girls, or she may find that she can get pleasure from both sexes.

She then reminded me of this fetish club we went to and this switch friend of mine was there with her slavegirl but she liked my friend and kept rubbing her leg and kissing her neck which my friend said made her uncomfortable. At first I thought that was because she kept saying she was straight or maybe because here was this totally strange (and frankly not super cute) woman trying to feel her up in the middle of the club. Now I think, sure that last reason probably did factor in, but maybe in addition it was that things started to get too close to what she was in denial about and she got scared and told herself that it was creepy to keep herself from enjoying it, though under the circumstance maybe it would have been creepy even if she was fully bi, I dunno.

So maybe she'll explore her sexuality further and get a better idea of what she is, I hope she does. Life is too short to go around and be something you're not just because other people say that's the way it should be. Of course for all my efforts at trying to guide her do you think I'll benefit if she finally does decide she's bi? Probably not because as I said, she likes caucasian girls with big boobs which definately does not describe me. Oh well. If you are a really cute white girl with big boobs, I may have a cute Asian girl for you...but be gentle and go slow with her okey?