Hey, Want to Hear a Stalker Story? Cool!
I've met a lot of great people both in the scene and online and just in general. I have a lot of great friends and as you can probably tell, I have a lot of fun with whatever I do. Sometimes I go out on dates and sometimes I just offer myself up for a good fucking and that's how it goes with me you know.
There is one problem I have encountered a few times and it totally sucks and its one frankly that a lot of girls (and some guys too) have dealt with at some point...the dreaded crazed stalker!
I know you wouldn't believe it to look at me but while I do attract plenty of wierdo crazies, most of the at least have the mental capacity to get the message if things aren't going to happen. I've had a few guys though that just didn't get it. No meant yes and fuck off meant yes yes to them. See, this is one of the reasons I'm so careful about my private information online too. I've had plenty of perfectly nice sounding people ask me more specific questions but you know a girl like me can't take chances right? You never know who you're dealing with. Granted, most of my stalkers came from people who just knew me from one thing or another. There was one guy I used to see sometimes surfing at the same beach. He was cool but I didn't want to date him or anything. Still, he would get totally possessive and wierd if I talked to other guys and after a while the freak would follow me around. At first he would say that he was just going in the same direction and it was coincidence but come on, that excuse only flies a couple of times. Finally he admitted that he was following me because he was so into me and I should give him a chance and blah blah blah. What a load of crap. It was also like this guy had no friends either. What's up with that? It seems like stalkers never seem to have friends because if they did, the friends would likely step in and say "hey buddy, you're being an idiot, move on" and as such, they wouldn't become stalkers.
So not wanting to become a dismembered statistic in a body bag, I stopped surfing at that beach and never went back. See, that's what pisses me off. Why should I have to change my lifestyle and my choices just because crazy asshole has no concept of reality? It's just not fair, but that's how it is right?
Sure, I get plenty of emails from people saying they want to dominate me or serve me or whatever and for the most part as I've said, I don't meet online people really because you really have to have trust just to meet someone much less to go even further and that's very hard to build up online. Instead I think making friends, sharing thoughts and ideas and getting off on that is totally cool.
So here's the thing that really pisses me off. As I said, stalkers don't seem to have friends right? But I do, and in the past they've betrayed me. I had to put my little brown foot down and establish rules with all my friends. See, a couple of years ago I was at this party in Hollywood for some music person, I don't know what, but anyway there was this loser who came up to me to talk and I just wasn't interested. At the time I figured okey, maybe he's a nice guy but you know, not my type right? He asked for my number, I said thanks but no.
I go home, shower, hop in bed naked (because I always sleep naked unless I'm either chained up or having my period...which I'm having now by the way for those of you who were curious about my cycles. Maybe that's why my post is so bitchy today huh?), fall asleep and like two hours later at like four in the morning my phone rings. It's this guy. I'm like hey, I didn't give you my number and if I had who the hell calls the same night and if you do, what kind of idiot jackass calls at four in the morning. Come on man, grow some manners for god's sake! Well he tells me he got my number from my friend Molly (who I've since lost touch with, whatever), and he though we should go out. Ugh! I told him no, hung up and went back to bed. See, that should have solved the problem right? No way.
This asshole calls back the next day, and the next, and so on. See, somewhere along the line some misguided dickhead or worse yet, some stupid teen movie told him that girls like persistence and if he just keeps trying, eventually I'll give in and we'll fall in love and make babies. Welcome to Crazyville. Population: You!
See, then it gets worse. He just "happens" to bump into me. The first time at the Starbucks when I was getting a nice hot mocha (why the hell can't they just call them small, medium and large by the way, what the fuck is up with the tall, grande and vente? I order a small the girl says tall. I say small, she says tall. I said fine, give me medium she says grande. I say I don't want a big grande I want medium. She says that is medium. I said what do you call aspirin because I think I need one) and this guy is there and was like, oh, let me pay for that and look, I got you a cinnamon roll. How the hell did he know I wanted a cinnamon roll? I didn't order it yet. I didn't tell anyone. You no whow? Because this wasn't the first time Mr. Asshole saw me in the Starbucks ordering stuff. Sick huh?
Okey, so the first time I run into this wierdo I'm like whatever. Creepy? For sure. Time to get out the pepper spray? Not yet. Actually it was time for the pepper spray, I just didn't know it yet. So this guy keeps running into me. At the gym, the El Pollo Loco (I love that place), the mall, you name it. He was calling me everyday and I was pretty sure that he space all cleared out in the trunk of his car for my dead body.
I changed my number and once again, I had to change my habits. See, what an asshole. No more Starbucks mochas for a while, no more El Pollo Loco. What a pain. I hadn't heard anything for a while and then one day I'm sitting in the living room with a friend (this was at my old place which was on the first floor by the way. I've moved since then and sorry, if you don't know where it is, I'm not going to tell you) and she looks at the window and is like "hey, there's some guy there, do you know him?" I looked and its the same creepy guy, peeping through the window. Well I'd had enough already. I called the godamn police and finally ended up getting a restraining order. What a bunch of bullshit. The whole time he was professing his love for me and how I was the only girl for him. At what point did we go from "no I won't give you my number now fuck off" to love? How did that happen? At no point did I encourage this jackass and I barely gave him the time of day. Love my brown ass. This guy was on the crazy train and there was no way it was making a stop at my station!
Believe it or not, I haven't had a stalker since that time, so I'm doing pretty well. Most of the people I deal with are pretty cool so I guess my more stringent vetting processes are working. Okey, I didn't tell all the details or incidents of that story and no, its not the only stalker incidents I've dealt with but you know, I can only share so much at one time right? Anyway, if you've never had to put up with a stalker, congratulations! They're a pain in the ass and very inconvenient (not to mention scary). If you are a stalker, get a fucking life okey? Come on already, if a girl (or guy) doesn't like you, deal with it and move on. And if you have been stalked and you're anything like me, you make sure that the pepper spray is ready to go at a moment's notice!
So if you have any stories or thoughts to share on this please do okey? Seriously, maybe it will trigger some of my blocked memories on this issue and we can all have a talk and a hug. Or maybe a a pancake instead. Or maybe I'll just suck your cock or pussy while you have a pancake. So many options, so little time.
4 Comments:
(Deep groaning sigh with head shake)
I have, thankfully, never had a stalker, but it should be noted too that one doesn't have to be a latex fetish slut or a leather disciplinarian, or even a movie star (mainstream and porn) to be stalked. And yes, as in all humanity stalking is an equal opportunity employer that has no limits on race and gender preferences. Stalkers don't care if your on a webcage or (shutters) playing on the monkey bars.
Stalkers do alter if not absolutely ruin lives. However you did not just the best you can do you did the right things. Though a stalker's wiring is set up to take everything as 'yes', you wisely did not get too confrontational with him. The more direct you are with a stalker, the more likely he/she is to assimilate you in their conscious mind -- a voice (and words) to go with the face, if you will. I'm sure it sucks when you have to deal with one, but it appears, to date, your steps have worked.
Good post again. A reminder to everyone in and out of the community: trust your instincts, don't automatically get down with the first strange heartbeat that talks to you, and don't be afraid to be decisive.
I'm a stalker. I have not killed anyone, and have no reason/plan on doing so.
What I don't get is, why do people find it crepy that someone knows what you want? Know every little detail about you?
Is it because you only want people you "love/like" (as in bf/gf/friend/something) to know those things?
It's _so_ much easier to be involved in a relationship if you already know what someone likes, before you enter the relationship.
And (in my humble oppenion) the whole stalker killing thing is greatly blown out of porpotion. I believe that a stalker kills _because_ he/she is rejected, becomes fustrated = more stalking, more rejected.. and the bad circle is made. That is also why stalkers (I like the 3. person perspective, sorry) are so persistent, they hope the stalkie (is that even a word? Meaning the person getting stalked) will accept the stalker as a friend/bf/gf/whatever. Which, I admit, from reading what you think of us, is problematic. Sadly so.
That was a little rant from the other side.
Well, thanks for the view of the other side. I'm not sure if you were serious or just being satirical but okey, I'll take it as serious and if I'm wrong then you can tell me okey?
The thing is, you know, there's a difference between wanting to be someone's friend and calling them 50 times a day. There's a difference between wanting to know about someone and learning about their preferences, and following them everywhere they go. And there's a big difference between someone who is simply persistent, and someone who spends his time in the bushes peeking through your windows at 3 in the morning.
I'm not a psychologist or anything, so I don't know what motivates stalkers to become obsessed and I can't really address whether the theory you put out about why they become violent has any merit. Certainly it might stem from frustration but then again, perhaps they have an inability to handle things appropriately anyway. In other words, lets say I did start dating the guy, so he doesn't get frustrated and doesn't kill me right away which is always nice. But there's a control issue. Maybe the experience of being with me doesn't match the fantasy he's built up in his mind. Maybe I'm not acting the way he thought I should or maybe he wants to control me to be what he wants me to be. If we're talking about a guy (or girl for that matter) who would have killed me out of frustration of not getting together with me, what makes you think they won't kill me out of frustration that I'm not working out as well as their fantasy of me? It seems if someone is going to go over the cliff for one reason, it makes it that much more likely they could go over for another similar reason.
If you are having fun with me then that's cool, I get that. If you're seriously a stalker type though, I think you should seek professional help. You may have low self esteem or have encountered a lot of rejection, or maybe you just have a hard time accepting reality. Its okey to want to be friends with people and even give a reasonable try at them if its appropriate, but its just as important to know when to cut bait and move on to the next one. Often relationships, like sales, are a numbers game. Sometimes you have to knock on a 100 doors before you make a sale, so you might have to take a shot at 100 girls (or boys) before you find one that has good potential and is a 2 way street (mentally, stalkers are living on a 1 way street). So those are my thoughts. Thanks for sharing yours!
I had a friend tease me that he was going to make me a t-shirt that said "stalk me" since I was averaging one stalker per year. He said I was far to nice and polite for my own good and needed to learn how to be more of a bitch to get rid of the men. Huh? How can they get it wrong if I tell them to "fuck off and die and don't ever call me AGAIN!"? How can that be seen as anything but discouraging? So why the stalker behavior and why me? I don't know. All I know is that I now have a boyfriend so no more dating for me and no more stalkers (hopefully) for quite some time.
I notice men get competitive and will do little stalking things when they know they are not the only man in your life and want to "win you over." For instance call to see if you are home on a Fri or Sat night when you have not made plans with them. You can catch them in the act with caller ID and missed calls ID so it is pretty stupid on their part to act this way which is why they switch up their phone numbers or block their numbers when calling. I no longer pick up the phone when I see a blocked number. My attitude is this - leave me a message and IF I want to talk to you then I will call you back. If I want to avoid you...don't hold your breath waiting for your phone to ring or for me to pick up when you call. I can only tell someone to fuck off so many times and then I am tired of how many profanities I can string together and form an artful sentence so I revert to avoidance behavior instead. The person is only stressing me out, pissing me off, ruining my day, ruining my week, freaking me out, scaring me and making me very cautious about who I speak to and let get close to me. So...now I am very, very, very choosy about who I will talk to because women can stalk other women too when they have a female crush and want to be friends with another female because they admire that female. So stalkers are not just men but lonely women too or women who hope that they can gain something from me. Female stalkers are more users and males are just creepy, scary guys who lose control and lose their grip on reality from time to time.
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