Losing Sucks. Don't Do It!

I'm having kind of a stressful day so far. I'm just telling you this because I get very bitchy when I'm having stress. I have like a wierd quirky feeling in my stomach and my head feels fluffy. Don't ask me to describe that any further, that's about as good as I can get on that. This is kind of a self induced stress though. See, here's the issue; I'm a bad loser. Seriously. I hate to lose. I can't stand it. I'm very competative too and I'm not afraid of losing or anything, if I were I guess I just wouldn't do anything that might result in a loss of any kind whether its financial or sports or whatever. So no, I'm not afraid to lose, I just hate it when it happens. Usually I can look at losing as a learning experience. Sometimes I can get crazy with it and just practice or learn or whatever until I know I won't really lose anymore. See, that's how much I hate it. I won't quit the thing because that's giving up, instead I try to get good enough that losing is no longer an option.

Usually I win too, I'm very good at that. Whatever I do I almost always win (and its not because I'm so cute that people let me win either) and so I kind of get used to it. It's nice to be like that. And if you're winning a lot then if you do take a loss its not so bad. The thing is, since I'm so used to winning, I'm really unprepared for when I lose.

I know this sounds like total babble to you so far and you're wondering what I didn't win or what I lost. I didn't win the lottery...again. But I don't put that in the "I lost" catagory, that's just something I didn't win...again.

Lately though it seems things have gone through a rough patch. I know, pull out the violins and play the sad music. Hey, I'm not feeling sorry for myself or anything, I'm just explaining things that's all. Generally I'm a pretty happy and go-lucky girl. Anyway, I was playing tennis this weekend and even though I lose sometimes, I always feel good if I did pretty well. This time it wasn't even close. Just ugly and gross. Okey, so then I was playing a game last night with a friend and I'm usually great at it and for some reason I just got my butt handed to me. Then this morning I was surfing and it seemed like even the forces of nature were conspiring against me. Everyone else was getting nice breaks and great rides, but when my time came up everything went to crap. There were a bunch of other things too, but the point was sometimes it seems like things just don't go right. I never saw that movie about the girl who loses her luck and frankly, I've never been a big believer in luck but rather in being prepared when opportunity strikes, but this weekend is making me start to wonder. I keep consoling myself by telling myself that things are going to turn around and get better soon which I'm sure they will, I really believe that but in the meantime I have to endure losing, which as we covered above, I hate.

For the record, I'm also usually right. I'm not one of those people who thinks they're right all the time and knows everything but really they're complete idiots who don't know anything and just annoy the crap out of everyone around them. My friends tell me that I run about a 90% correctness on average about whatever it is I'm saying. That's pretty good. I don't mind being right 90% of the time. Its kind of wierd actually. I think its because I read a lot and I'm told I have a semi-photographic memory (maybe true, maybe not, I don't know but I can recall all kinds of useless facts and information that have no bearing on the price of tea in China whatsoever). People have told me how smart I am but I said well if that were true, then I would be cute and rich instead of just cute.

The issue though is the same as losing. Let's say you only lose 10% of the time, that sounds great doesn't it? Except, what does it do to your confidence if instead of that 10% being spread out among many victories (or right answers about whatever), it all hits you at once. So okey, you do like a few hundred things over the course of however long and you get used to winning or being right and then BAM! You're wrong or you lose not just once or twice but like 20 times in a row. Sure, you're still up 90% but gah, 20 times in a row sucks! It doesn't matter that you won 200 times in a row, those 20 times will just make life suck for a little while.

Just so you know, I'm not being negative or anything, I'm very positive and optimistic in general, and why not? Okey, so that's where I am right now, I'm in the middle of a bit of a bad patch but as I said, I'll get through it, its just going to take some time and in the meantime, I think I'll go look at bondage porn instead!