How I Got Into Bondage and Became a Sub Switch

There were some good ideas for what I should talk about today and although I will only do one of those ideas today, I'm definately going to keep the others in mind for the future. I was a little suprised that so few people decided to participate though, but the ideas for the most part were pretty interesting.

Some of the suggestions ranged from requests of photos of me doing certain things (which is nice but this was about what I'm writing, not my photos or videos) to me talking about various first things I did like first time I had sex, did bondage, did a threesome, etc. There were some other great ideas that in order to do them I would probably have to break them up because like the previous example, each of my first time doing something is probably a whole topic. Another suggestion was for me to talk about my favorite bondage scenes which I think is a great idea, but again I think to do it right each scene would have to be a seperate topic, especially since I don't know that I have a particular favorite since I've had so much fun. Another great idea that would have to be broken up a little is for me to talk about my favorite fetishes. I do hit on this sometimes but I definately should go into more detail about some of them. Some of the ideas that I thought I could cover and actually had planned to talk about at some point were pee play and female ejaculation. The final idea that I got was for me to describe I guess a fantasy of a famous dom/me that I would want to play with and how that would go. I liked this last suggestion but my problem was although I know a lot of men and women who do bondage videos, websites, etc., I'm not sure what really qualifies as famous (is there a Jessica Simpson or Tiger Woods of BDSM?) and I actually have gotten to play with a good bunch of the people you probably see in a lot of the bondage videos. So on this one I think I'd want a little more guidance as to what kinds of people we're talking about. I've already spent a lot of time talking about my "Lana Lang" fantasies and although she isn't really a famous domme (nor a real person as far as I'm concerned but rather a character personified by an actress) I'm not really sure that's where that idea was going. Another great idea that I want to explore at some point is for me to talk about switching roles and a basic overview of what I've enjoyed doing in each role.

There was one idea that I thought I could cover in one entry, which means I could fulfill my promise to explore the idea as much as I could today, and that I actually understood which was for me to talk about how I got into bondage and why I ended up submissive. This one works out well for me too because it gives me a chance to share with you kind of my erotic journey and how I've come to learn a lot more about myself along the way. As for the other ideas, as I said, there are some great ideas and I will be taking some stories and experiences to talk about some of them for sure okey?

So here's how things started. By the way, I'm fully aware that I may be repeating myself a little bit from what I've said previously both in my web log and in the "about Maliia" section of my webcage, but just go with me on this and pretend its new information okey? Lately I've been describing myself as a submissive switch, meaning that although I'm getting more comfortable being dominant in certain circumstances, I spend most of my time being submissive. Of course it wasn't always this way. I started out totally submissive.

Although I didn't realize it at the time, when I was very young, like seven or eight years old, my siblings and friends and I would play various games. You know, cowboys and indians, pirates, prisoners, bank robbers, whatever. The point is, I was always the damsel in distress. The girl who some how ALWAYS managed to get kidnapped and tied up and had to be rescued. Maybe it was because I was a lot smaller than everyone else that I was an easy target, but I always loved the feeling I got when I was in that role. It wasn't sexual or anything and to be honest, I never understood why I felt the way I did until I was much older and I looked back on the experience.

When I was in my teens I of course dated, teased the boys and had a lot of fun, but I also had fun experimenting with a couple of my female friends. You know how young girls can be, we practiced kissing together and I had one friend who I explored her body and she explored mine. We weren't really sure what we were doing and we were only like thirteen or fourteen but it was fun. Anyway, she was my best friend and I told her how much I used to like being tied up so we tried it with her taking some rope and lightly tying my ankles and wrists. I got very excited of course and it didn't take long for me to realize that my excitement was sexual with her. As fun and exciting as kissing her and playing with her was, doing it while tied up was even better. You already know how uncontrollable my pussy is in terms of how wet it gets. Back then I was just starting to discover this. As you know, I grew up on the island of Maui in a little town called Wailuku. There really wasn't much of a fetish scene on Maui and at that age the internet was just starting to get going and we didn't have internet anyway so I didn't have much information about it. All I knew was I liked the feeling I got from being helpless and controlled by someone else.

Sometimes we would go to Oahu to visit other relatives or hang out for a few days. I spent a month living with my grandma at her condo near Waikiki and as a job I started teaching tourists how to surf across from the Hyatt. All along the street that went along the beach called Kalakaua there are these convenience stores called ABC stores. I think there must be at least two on every block. Anyway, a lot of them sell these magazines for the Japanese tourists (in Japanese of course) and I would leaf through them and I noticed that even the ones aimed toward teenage girls would always have drawings of girls in bondage, usually in the middle. It really excited me and even though I didn't read much Japanese, I bought some of the magazines anyway and at night I would play with myself and imagine myself tied up like that. It was very exciting.

Over the next few years I got more successful with surfing and modeling and had a lot of fun but it also meant I got to travel more like to Los Angeles to compete in events and for some photo shoots and stuff. It was there that I found some books about bdsm and I finally learned why I got so turned on by being bound and helpless. I was finally about to put words to my feelings and I realized that it was not only a sexual thing for me but also a part of who and what I was. At first I didn't quite get this because I didn't feel submissive in the way I lived my life. I was a very aggressive surfer and also just very assertive in general. I didn't mind saying what I thought and yes, I had a few "catfights" with girls who tried to intimidate me (it doesn't work because I always stand up for myself and even though I'm really small, I'm a pretty tough girl).

The more I read though (I'm big on reading things when I'm trying to learn something that interests me) the more I realized that I wasn't submissive in general, I was sexually submissive in that I wanted the other person (or people as it would later become) to take control. I didn't want to make the first move or decide what should be done and when. I kept playing with a couple of my female friends and I really liked it. I went through some periods wondering if I was lesbian, but when I realized that I still liked boys just as much, I figured that maybe I was somewhere in between. I've kind of stayed with that in between "bi" label since then.

Anyway, I was almost always the girl getting tied up and that's the role I always liked. Sure, I did the dominant thing some but it worked out well because I liked to be tied and generally the friends I was experimenting with liked to tie me. See, everyone wins.

As you might know, I went to college here in Los Angeles and that was a great time for me to learn and experiment some more. I started playing more with people I knew and trusted and we went to fetish friendly clubs, mostly in West Hollywood. We also went to some of the parties by some of the local organizations like Threshold and while some of the people at the parties were a little creepy, some were cool and I ended up being friends with others who I liked.

So the more I did things, the more I learned about what I liked and didn't like. I experienced whippings, spankings and canings and realized that pain wasn't really my thing. I decided that I liked hot wax and although I got a little pain from having clamps on my nipples or pussy lips, I liked the feeling of having them there. I figured out though that it wasn't a pain thing of course but the humiliation of it. The more I experienced of humiliation, the more I liked it. So naturally puppygirl, ponygirl and other objectification really turned me on and I explored all of that as much as I could. I was open to anything humiliating really and I as much as I liked doing it (or having it done to me) I liked it even more if people were watching like at a party or a club. Its like the fact that I was on display and being shown off and used in public was a real multiplying factor to the whole thing. I also experimented a little with the Gorean play idea but it wasn't my thing. I think I lasted a week as a Gorean style slavegirl. I also messed around with various protocols with different dominants, some male and some female. I discovered that since I'm not really a "full-time" type slavegirl, that being that I'm very sexually submissive but when not engaged in a sexual or fetish activity I can be more assertive, I couldn't really get into a 24/7 type relationship where I was always submissive no matter what. While some of the people who were in the full time relationships or into the protocols were cool, I found out that a lot of them also had very strict ideas about what a submissive should be and do and what a dominant should be and do. They gave me a lot of crap because I wasn't "their" idea of a slavegirl. I was bored frankly by all the devoted flowery oh my master I'm so dedicated to you stuff. That was fine for them but for me by this point, I already knew what I liked it was humiliation, preferably "forced". When I say "forced" what I mean of course is that its consensual as all fetish activities should be but that I'm not actively given a choice. In other words, you discuss what the limits are beforehand of course and if something crosses a line then you have a system to back up from there, but otherwise, I'm not sitting there saying "hey, let me be your puppy pet", instead its like someone says "you're a little puppy pet on a leash, deal with it". So as long as that didn't cross a limit, and I didn't have many limits because I'm pretty open minded, that was fine.

In the course of me being a sexual submissive of course I started keeping my pussy completely hairless and a Mistress "forced" me to get a ring in each of my inner labias. I was very nervous about it at the time and although I love my rings very much and fantasize about getting more, with out that "force" its very difficult for me to motivate myself to go do it.

So that's my story as a submissive, but what about switching? Well, along the way I always did switch a little bit but it was more by circumstance than choice really. As I got more into things and played with people, sometimes there was a slavegirl who wanted to be dominated by both her Master and a cute little Asian girl (namely me), so I would help out a little. It wasn't really my thing when it was like that though because of course the Master was in charge of what happened and either he would want me to stand there and go whip, whip, whip for half an hour or he was more interested in either having his slavegirl sexually satisfy me (which was fine but more of a lesbian sexual thing and not so much about bondage) or me satisfying and teasing her.

Then something interesting happened. I met a girl who said she was a domme so we played a few times and she was very good. We had a lot of fun but then I made a mistake. One day I was feeling particularly assertive with her and just hadn't gotten into a sexually submissive mood before playing, so I turned the tables on her and dominated her. They say that submissives tend to make better dominants than people who have never submitted, well I had plenty of submissive experience for sure. I basically dominated her the way I liked to be dominated and it was similar to how she controlled me. Not too much pain, lots of humiliation and exhibition and always very sexy. This is where the mistake came in. See she enjoyed it so much that from then on she refused to dominate me anymore, she wanted to be my slavegirl. She would call me up begging me and it just got annoying after a while. You would think I would have learned my lesson but no. This happened twice more with girls who I thought were terrific dominants but then the tables got turned and once I dominated them, they never wanted to go back to being anything but submissive to me.

So now I'm very careful about this. On those rare times when I find a fantastic dominant, I make sure they are always dominant to me and when I do choose to be dominant, I find myself a submissive to play with a little. Usually its a female because I'm just more attracted to other submissive girls than submissive boys, though from time to time I have dominated a guy and been okey with it. I can submit to men or women though pretty much either way. When I do dominate, I do it my way (humiliation, servitude, exhibition, not much pain) and if the person isn't into that kind of thing then they're welcome to go find someone else who will do what they want. When I'm in a dominant mood I do enjoy it very much. I feel kind of powerful and sometimes I dress the part and wear thigh high platform boots with a nice black leather or pvc corset (or my latest one which is red with kind of a Chinese looking pattern). Of course, there are many times I go to a party or something thinking I feel one way and just watching what goes on or who is there or what we're talking about will make me change how I feel.

I don't have any rules other than things being safe and consensual really. I know what I like and I know what I won't do. I've had a lot of great experiences and I hope to have many more. I still try to learn a lot of new things because you never know what you'll like until you try things. As much as I enjoy bondage though, lately I've been spending a lot of time learning about finance and investing. I know it doesn't sound like its as much fun, but really I get a lot of pleasure and enjoyment from anything I try that's new and interesting, whether its stocks, bonds or bondage. So that's my story for today, I have lots of other things I can talk about including specific scenes I did as a submissive or a dominant, but for now I think this entry has gone on way too long and you're probably glad its over now anyway.