Maliia Incorrectly Explains Gay Lifestyles

I went out with some friends last night to a gay bar and had a great time. I love hanging out with gay men sometimes because they are so much fun and you don't have to worry about them having alterior motives for hanging out with you. It's sort of like the fun you get in going out with a bunch of girls except you don't have to compete with them or deal with any bitchy cattyness or jealousy or whatever. I'm not saying those things aren't part of the equation, but its just limited to being between the gay guys so none of it is directed at me. That means I can just hang out, have fun and relax without having to be a participant in any of the drama, I can just watch and enjoy. Sort of like television except no commercials (which I guess makes it more like HBO huh?).

Of course there was a time when I was a lot more naive about things. I'm an experienced girl now (in more ways than one too). I met a guy once who was just over the top flaming gay. He was okay looking and we became friends and I was on the look out for a cute guy for him. Well after a while he said he'd never had an attraction to a woman before but something about me made him want to try it (he also said he'd never been with a woman before, only men). Well I wasn't super interested in him but I was totally flattered that I was so hot that I could maybe turn this guy to being straight (which is just silly and a total ego trip). So we started fooling around a little but something was off so we didn't quite go all the way with it. He got mad and that was pretty much the end of the friendship. I was okey with it until a few weeks later I ran into a girl at a party and some how his name came up. Turns out, the girl was his ex girlfriend, he was totally straight and just played a whole gay act to get girls. What a loser!

So now I don't fall for any of that crap. Of course I should know better anyway. After all, I'm bisexual and I know that its not something that changes. I believe very strongly that you are what you are and you like what you like. There's nothing wrong with it but if you're gay then you're gay. I'm bi, I think I've probably always been bi and I probably always will be. I don't have a problem with that. I like boys and girls pretty much equally. Does that make sense?

Okey, so me being bi-sexual is not exactly front page news, I get that. But I was at this bar with the gay guys and of course there were almost no women in the place. Now for those of you who don't know, there are many different species of gay man. For a few examples, you have bears, which are your big, hairy guys. Twinks, which are the small, thin guys. Leathermen, the ones who like to wear biker outfits (and although gay guys from any type can be into bdsm, the leathermen are the ones most generally associated with it, at least certainly to mainstream society), military/cop types, really great looking gay guys too (sometimes confused with metrosexuals like Ryan Seacrest) and there's a bunch of others too and their roles differ as well.

See, one thing I love about gay guys is how organized they are. I think straight and bi people could learn a thing or two from them. They have a hanky system which is just the coolest. You have a hankerchief or some other cloth, and the color is a signal for what you like and what you're looking for. I'm sure most of you have heard of this system. For example, if you wear a black hanky on the left you're heavy into S&M and you're a top. If you wear it on the right you're a bottom. Likewise, a light blue hanky on the left means you want a blowjob and right means you want to give one. It seems that theres a whole list of them but I imagine that if you're into it, then you'll easily remember the ones that apply to you and over time maybe even become familiar with most of them. The point is that its organized and everyone knows up front what everyone else is into and what they're looking for.

I go into a bar and its as organized as a monkey shit fight at the zoo. Guys are running all over the place hitting on everything that moves like a bunch of crazed hyenas and the girls are forced into packs like wildebeasts to protect themselves. Every once in a while a girl will become seperated from her pack or will be too slow to keep up and she'll get picked off. It's like watching Animal Planet.

It would be so much easier if I could wear the hanky that means SM switch looking for a girl. So if I see a girl wearing the SM hanky on the left I know she's domme or the SM hanky on the right and I know she's sub, I might go talk to her. Same is true for the guys. Just like the gay codes, a guy or a girl could wear these. For example, mustard color could mean he's got more than 8" (of course I think all the guys would wear this one whether its true or not), or yellow with a white strip might mean that he likes Asian girls. See, I'm an Asian girl and if he's cute, maybe I'll go up to him with my white hanky with the orange stripe which means I like white guys and I want to be fucked like a two dollar street whore (I'm working on my comparisons but so far this is the best I'm coming up with). The point is, you'd save yourself a lot of wasted conversations with girls who have a boyfriend, are lesbian or just not interested in whatever you have to offer. Same with girls. Instead of sitting in the corner waiting for the cute guy to come over and say hi, you can check out his color, see if he'd be into you and if so, make sure he sees your color. Easy enough right? If you're curious about other gay hanky codes, I found this webpage at http://alt.xmission.com/~trevin/hanky.html that has a big list of them, I thought it was really interesting.

Anyway, so back to the gay bar again. This was a gay bar that seemed to appeal mostly to really good looking gay men. Seriously. I think every single one of these guys could easily have made the cover of GQ. Needless to say, my pussy was wet, my tongue was drooling but this brings us to the downside of hanging out with really good looking gay friends, its the other side of the two sided knife. They're not into me so they're not going to try anything...but they're so damn good looking and yet, they're not into me so they're not going to try anything. As fun as it was to hang out with them, it also gets a little annoying after a while, especially since I'm pretty used to being the center of attention because I'm so damn cute! So what's a girl to do?

The thing I don't get is this. Okey, I know not all gay men are totally hot, but it seems as though a lot of really hot guys are gay and maybe its just the places I go with them but it seems as though there's a disproportionate number of gay guys who are hot. They have these great faces, chiseled muscles and tanned, toned bodies...ruff ruff! No, sorry Maliia, they're not for you. On the other hand, what's up with the lesbians. It's like the opposite. Sure, I see some lesbians who are "lipstick" lesbians and are very feminine and very cute. I know this because I've hooked up with a lot of lipstick lesbians in my time. When I'm with another girl, I'm usually mistaken for a lipstick lesbian (understandable since I'd be with a girl and since I'm not also with a guy at the same time no one would really know that I'm bi right?) But it seems as though a disproportionate number of the lesbian girls I see are more butch. They try to be masculine or they let themselves go or they just get sloppy. If that's how they want to be that's fine but it was just annoying that the team that doesn't want anything to do with me is so good looking and the team that does want to play with me (it seems like even more masculine lesbians love a cute little lipstick lesbian or bi girl like me) really isn't. That's okey though, the girls I play with are very cute and very fem. It's just an observation more than anything and I'm not judging it or saying there's anything wrong with it at all. Personally, I prefer feminine girls and hot guys. But that's just me. Now all I need is the hanky code that says I'm a hot bi Asian bdsm switch into all kinds of kinky fetishes looking for a guy or a girl to be either a top or a bottom. Maybe I should go buy more hankies! If you have any thoughts about any of this, please share either in the comments of this blog or in the forum section.